Tharavadu

Recently I was in Kerala in connection with obtaining two certificates connected with my life - one a birth certificate and the other my marriage certificate. I never felt the need for both till this day but my daughter suggested that I obtain them in case it may become necessary to apply for a green card.

I always wonder about the change of attitude that had taken place in my mind. Whenever I visit Kerala and my home 'tharavadu', I feel guilty that I did not take any worthwhile measures that were perhaps within my means to safeguard it from its present ruins. This guilt is very painful as I have very strong feelings about this house with its once green backyard.

When I felt ready to begin my working life, getting a suitable job in Kerala was considered very difficult. As most others have done before me, I too left Kerala in search of a job and landed in Bombay. But I had the feeling at the back of my mind, that my tharavadu will remain as I had left it. From an age that I could remember, my grandmother did her best to enhance the prestige of the tharavadu without destroying anything that had been built by her predecessors. She in fact spent on its upkeep, from her own meager resources. Her life was one dedicated for the welfare of the tharavdu and I always felt her presence, whenever I visited the house. But on my short trips back I started noticing small changes and even some significant ones.But the desire to stand on my own legs was very strong and left me with no choice. I suppressed my true feelings about the house. I suppose I left those feelings at the very bottom of my heart and never once expressed it. Being a common property with a number of claimants’ to it, perhaps my feelings towards the house was the correct one. I was emotionally attached to the house and prepared to look after it spending from own pocket but like my grandmother I did not expect anything for myself from there.

But those succeeded my grandmother and our immediate group, which we call thavazhi did everything to destroy it. One by one they removed the tall trees and once they finished them, started selling anything which had a resale value from the house. They even succeeded in demolishing one beautiful portion of the house mainly for its good quality teak woods. When I saw the bare grounds after the portion of the building was brought down for its woods, I felt that my grandmother's soul would have left not only from the house but also from its surrounding compound. As per then prevailing practice, she was cremated at the tharavadu, on her death in the early 80s. After her death, whenever I visited the place, I felt at peace while standing at the very ground where she was cremated as I considered it as a sreekovil of the temple. The sight and presence of the ground gave me immense peace of mind.

We also had a huge collection of big vessels that was sufficient to prepare food for a number of people on occasions like marriage and other large functions. I remember during our younger days, we used to get papadams and nenthrakkaya whenever our neighbors came to borrow these huge vessels in connection with such functions in their house. Now I do not find any such vessels in the house. The saddest part of the story is that those vessels were sold for a pittance and its proceeds were spent on day to day necessities.

The processes of getting the certificates are on. Perhaps one these days the papers will come and the desire to be with our grandchildren may take us out of this country. In the meantime, my prayers would be that we save enough money to do something to protect what is left at our home. Should we choose to re-construct the portion of the house that was demolished or go for something say a separate small house in the compound with all its complications? I am still unable to make up my mind. But I wish to could do something at my place which I can say is mine, even though, from a legal angle, may not be entirely mine.

Greener Pastures

Some thoughts never fade away. I remember when I joined the Bank in the early 70s, one of the problems I faced was that I turned out to be underweight. The Doctor recommended re-examination after 3 months. I was told that failing to show improvement in weight would result in postponing confirmation in service and in extreme case, termination of service. The golden rule in this case was the decision of the Bank's Doctor was final.

To improve the weight, friends and colleagues suggested many easy tricks. Sum and substance of most the advice was to eat and eat more, which anyway, I was doing. But the other part of advice, that of doing exercise was not in my agenda, except running for the local train and bus and walking the distance from the station to the office. This last leg of journey daily would often result in a run, as most of the days, either the train was late, or if the train was on time, I happened to be late. Other than this running for train and brisk walking to reach office in time, I was not doing any exercise worth mentioning.

Bank would have allowed even medicines to improve the health, but I was generally averse to take any medicines, as in those days, I saw a doctor only when I could not postpone the visit any further.

On re-examination of my weight, after 3 months, it did not register any significant improvement, and doctor again recommended re-test after 3 months. Most of my colleagues had passed the medical test even at the first time itself and those who were unsuccessful cleared the same by the second chance. I was little worried to receive the note staying that I need to be examined again after 3 months. This time some of my colleagues came with more suggestions.

Someone suggested that I go for a Insurance policy through the assistant to the Doctor, as it was the Assistant who recorded the weight. He had an agency in his wife's name and he could get many insured from the Bank itself, looking at the number of such underweight candidates. Another suggestion was to go for drinking many glasses of water and eating bananas. I decided to go for this suggestion. I remember one of my uncle had told the same thing in a different context to my grandmother when she asked for some financial support to tide over a difficult time.

The time was after the Government implemented the policy of land for the tillers and those who were not farming the land like us; suddenly found that they have no grain to feed themselves, as people stopped parting the agreed share of the produce to the landlord of their produce. We were a large family of nine people, including one uncle, one cousin sister and we three brothers, two sisters and mother and grandmother. My grandmother had the responsibility of finding where withheld for the meals and that was the reason, she met this particular uncle, who while declining to part with any amount of money, advised us to drink water and tighten our belts. My grandmother stoically took the advice but many times she said that we the children will one day earn enough and take care of the needs.

Coming back to the medical test, I did not register the required weight, even after consuming half a dozen bananas, the third time around. That had only one effect, that of increasing my cold, as it was during winter time. As it is, I am allergic to cold and eating so many bananas, worsened my condition for one week. I decided never to go for such gimmicks. I passed the medical test at the fourth attempt, registering a slight increase in my weight and the Doctor must have hesitantly decided not to recommend a further examination, after three months.

But my problem did not end there. I gradually put on weight and now I can say that by the time I turned forty, I had a paunch and I was overweight, by the same standard set by the said doctor. And now my worry is the increasing weight and perpetual cold.