A lost circle

For the last one week, newspapers and TV channels are carrying advertisements on the occasion of Akshyathritiya. The ads urge people to buy gold and jewelery - as it is believed that buying gold and jewelery on this auspicious occasion brings luck and prosperity throughout later part of the year. My idea would be that those who can buy gold and jewelery any time of the year, would definitely feel the prosperity. But if it is so, the reverse process would equally be true. Those who sell gold or jewelery any time of the year may feel bad about doing so especially if that gold or jewelery is associated with some particular occasion in their life.

I was coming into terms with my routine life in the city. I did my job very seriously - replying to each and every advertisements that I thought fitted with my qualifications. But unfortunately, I did not get any offer. I also saw some advertisements for job in which the candidate has to shell out few rupees towards examination fees. As I was short on cash, I ignored these advertisements at first. The process of these type of recruitment also takes time and I was in a hurry to land a job. So I had avoided responding to these type of ads, which was mainly from government/public sector institutions. But lack of response from the private sector, and coupled with the advice from relatives, I started responding to these advertisements also. Suddenly it increased the burden and I soon ran out of money. It was my uncle who helped me during these times, but I was aware of his limitations. I did not want to be a burden and I found a way out to make some money.

I owned a small gold ring that was brought by my father when I was still a kid. I can picture wearing it on my index finger when I was small. But gradually I had to shift it to my little finger as I grew older. Here too it was so tight that any attempt to remove it would cause pain, so I did not do anything. This was the ring that I sold one day to raise money for sending applications for jobs.

It did not occur to me that this small ring was the only piece of jewelry that I had from my father. My father had always lived in the present - he did not worry about the future! He spent the money, as soon as he had it, on anything, which got his fancy. It was his brother who sometimes paid off the debts, which my father in his years created. (About this aspect of his, I must write separately).

There is only one real deprivation, I decided this morning, and that is not to be able to give one's gifts to those one loves most. – May Sarton

I still feel guilty that I sold the only link between me and my father. The irony is that I had struggled and suffered, in the process of removing the ring from my little finger, to offer it for the sale. That pain still continues in my mind, whenever I think about it, as I have not succeeded in my efforts to get any such memento so far, as my father is no more.